Couple of A.I. metal-bots also working for free
I know this is my third “best albums of whatever year” list for Revenge of Riff Raff, but this time around, I made a much more aggressive effort to keep up with what was going on in the various worlds of rock I inhabit. I started regularly reading the Angry Metal Guy blog, even though that guy blocked me on Twitter just for calling a bunch of his posts "gay," and I watched Sea of Tranquility every Wednesday, since that’s the day Pete “Sea of Tranquility” Pardo reviews the new releases.
I also realized that the reason these guys have a much easier time keeping up with all the new stuff coming out than I do is because… get close, since I’m about to blow your mind… THEY GET ALL THEIR CD’S FOR FREE. Initially I was awed by Pardo showing off all these new releases in his videos, until I realized, he ain’t buying these! The labels send them to him! No wonder he nearly never gives a negative review. But, hey, if I got so much free stuff, I’d find a way to squeeze enjoyment out of it and only give the absolutely lightest criticisms as well!
So, Colin, if you want me to crank out more hyperbolic and juvenile articles where I call band members ugly and fat, but with a positive slant, get me some free CD’s! They don’t even have to be the Japanese versions! And, believe it or not, I actually purchased every single album I’m about to talk about. In fact, each week in 2023, I bought one or two new releases, ranging from the legacy artists who I always get the new album by, such as HAWKWIND and ALICE COOPER, to stuff I just heard and read about; along with bands that I decided to start paying attention to again after many years of ignoring. As a result, I amassed a nice, robust pile of albums from which to compile my list; so large, in fact, I did a top 20 rather than just a top 10 list this time, and I even have some honorable mentions!
Of course, it’s not a perfect system, since I very well could have missed very good albums. But, I mean, I don’t get paid to do this, and I don’t have unlimited time and money to listen to and critique music. On the other hand, I think this is a better way to consume music than the kids who sit on their computers and give cursory listens to thousands of albums on Bandcamp or Youtube and can barely remember any of them.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you will be listening to these albums in the ensuing years. Will you be pulling these off the shelf to pop into your CD player or throw onto your turntable one, five, ten, or twenty years after the album came out?
But first, let’s start with my biggest disappointments of2023!
Public Image Ltd. – End of World
I’m a pretty hardcore PUBLIC IMAGE LTD. fan, and I was really looking forward to End of World. Not only that, but the A&R guy Tim Sommer, who I’m friends with on Facebook, called it PiL’s best album in like 30 or 40 years. But, as I already made explicitly clear in my retrospective review of the entire PiL discography, I wasn’t particularly impressed with this latest PiL offering. And it’s a shame too, since, for the first time ever, Public Image Ltd. released a string of albums without a single lineup change.
On top of that, singer John Lydon, guitarist Lu Edmonds, bassist Scott Firth, and drummer Bruce Smith have already done some terrific stuff on the previous two PiL albums, This Is PiL and What the World Needs Now. So End of World should have been awesome. But, for some reason, too much of the album sounds like incidental background music over which John Lydon rants, and not much more. Sure, I may sympathize with the lyrics to “Being Stupid Again”, but the song kinda sucks. On the other hand, “Penge”, “End of the World”, and “Pretty Awful” are good songs, so it’s not a total wash. Also I still haven’t heard the Japan only bonus track, “Punkenstein”, so that might redeem the whole thing and save the album from going down the shitter.
"Edwin, dude, I don't care. I got an A+ from Colin."
Motörhead – Seriously Bad Magic
Released eight years after the final Motörhead album, Bad Magic, which I totally gave a positive review to in my Motörhead retrospective reviews, Seriously Bad Magic is a reissue of that final MOTÖRHEAD album, but including two previously unreleased Motörhead songs, a cover of “Heroes” by David Bowie, and a live disc. And I’m a hardcore Motörhead fan who owns everything the group puts out, so I was chomping at the bit to hear two brand new Motörhead songs that had been left on the cutting room floor eight years ago. Sadly only one of those is actually a new song, “Bullet in Your Brain”, which is a decent Motörhead deep cut, and the other, “Greedy Bastards”, is just the ballad “Till the End” with different words.
Though, I feel like, with a song title like “Greedy Bastards”, the record company was actually laughing at me for buying this.
As for the live disc, it’s a depressing document of Lemmy at the end of his life, with him sounding all tired, and the songs played all slower and sloppier. I suppose it’s interesting from a historical perspective, but it sure ain’t a terrific example of the greatness of Motörhead!
Now for some honorable mentions.
Elvenking – Reader of the Runes – Rapture
This is folky, fantasy-themed power metal from Italy. Rather than having three guitarists, they have two guitarists and a violinist. And, as Lemmy mentioned in his memoir White Line Fever, people don’t realize how hard one can rock out on a violin. Hear, hear! The band members also wear various face paints and barbarian style furs and armor, and the fantasy artwork is stupendous. I also finally got to hear the Japanese bonus track, their cover of “Prime Evil” by VENOM, and it was just okay, so no big loss not having it on the American version.
Oak – Disintegrate
This album consists of one long track called “Disintegrate”, and it’s pretty good, alternating between soft parts, heavy ‘n’ slow parts, and heavy ‘n’ fast parts. If I don’t think it’s top twenty album material, it’s only because, despite having some neat stuff going on, some good melodies, catchy riffs, and the atmosphere of being in the woods, it does tend to drag by the end of its 45 or so minutes run-time.
Nuclear Power Trio – Wet Ass Plutonium
As the title of the album implies, it’s a goof album. The three musicians, who are in various other bands, dress like Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong Un, and they play instrumental, Latin-tinged, progressive and power metal. If not for the amusing packaging and song titles, such as “Critical Bass Theory” and “Anti-Saxxers (Mandatory Saxination)”, the concept wouldn’t work. But, hey, the music is good, and Chris Broderick of JAG PANZER, NEVERMORE, MEGADETH, and IN FLAMES plays some leads on it!
Jethro Tull – RökFlöte
Yeah, it’s just an Ian Anderson solo album, but, realistically, does that matter? Have you really given a hoot if the guitarist was Martin Barre or Jimbo-Jackass-Jones? Of course not; you just like Anderson’s kick-ass flute playing over hard rock riffs and pretty folky parts.
Uriah Heep – Chaos & Colour
Like an inverse of TULL, the Heep’s only original member is the guitarist, that being Mick Box, while singer Bernie Shaw and keyboardist Phil Lanzon have been in the band since 1986. The rhythm section is of a more recent vintage. As you probably know, Heep plays metal-leaning hard rock with keyboards like DEEP PURPLE, and they consistently crank out high quality product. When I saw URIAH HEEP five or so years ago at the Token Lounge, they played The Magician’s Birthday in its entirety! So, I enjoy the latest Heep album and have no real complaints about it, other than the “we all bleed red/we are the world” boomer lyrics to “One Nation, One Sun.”
Wayfarer – American Gothic
Yeeee-haaaa!!! Ride ‘em, cowboy! This is Wild West black metal that sounds like if a black metal band did the soundtrack to that awesome A&E show Hell on Wheels. If you haven’t seen it, check it out for free on your Tubi app! American Gothic has lots of lyrics about robber barons and the dark side of Westward expansion, but no songs about gun fights with Apache Indian tribes; I guess that would make them run afoul of the activists at Brooklyn Vegan, who love this album. I also don’t like the clean singing at the end.
Green Lung – This Heathen Land
I’m not really the biggest doom metal fan in the world. Like, yeah, I enjoy SABBATH, Hammer Horror movies, and witch-y occult crap as much as the next geezer, but, like, why does every band in the genre want to sound exactly like Black Sabbath? Thankfully GREEN LUNG, at least on their third album, This Heathen Land, sounds like both Ozzy and Dio era Sabbath, but with keyboards. So, it’s like, the opening track, “The Forest Church”, combines a “Heaven and Hell” type riff with an “Electric Funeral” type riff, and the verses are quiet, kind of like the verses in the song “Black Sabbath”, but there’s also gothic church organ going during all of this. Also, singer Tom Templar (cool name!) does one of the better Ozzy impressions. So, yeah, if you’re going to rip off Sabbath, don’t just focus on the Ozzy era, and throw in some keyboards.
Enslaved – Heimdal
Enslaved basically are just a prog band that uses the occasional blast-beat and harsh vocals. I would actually prefer if they only used harsh vocals, because singer Grutle Kjellson cannot sing in a normal, calm voice. Otherwise, there are a lot of neat keyboard and guitar passages, alternating between black metal and doom metal riffing, making HEIMDAL and all of their albums worthwhile.
Taake – Et Hav av Avstand (A Sea of Distance)
I guess it doesn’t boggle my mind how the latest IMMORTAL album, War Against All, is the token black metal release on so many “best albums” lists of 2023 for people who don’t listen to very much black metal. I mean, it’s good, but there were a lot of good to great mainstream – I use the term loosely here – black metal albums that came out in 2023; have you guys heard of MARDUK or, heck, this band right here, TAAKE, which is pronounced like “taco”, but with the “o” switched out for either a long or short “a”? The cool thing about this band is that none of the lyrics are in English, so I have no idea what any of the songs are saying; I don’t even really know what they’re called! One look on the back of Et Hav av Avstand, and the four songs make you think it’s just an EP; but, in fact, it’s 42 minutes long! And, in spite of how long the songs are, they’re good; especially since Hoest, the man behind this Taake project/band/thingy, is using a lot more 70s rock riffs, making it easier for normal rockers to sample some black metal!
Gong – Unending Ascending
You put the word GONG and some stock science fiction imagery on the cover and give the album a kinda cool psychedelic sounding name, and you’ll sucker a few people, such as me, into buying it without even bothering to check who’s even in the band!
Is it even appropriate for this group of musicians to refer to themselves as Gong? I mean, come on; not only does Gong not have a single original member, but none of the current musicians in Gong even dates his involvement with the group any further back than 2007! YES also have no original members, but at least 2/5 of the current lineup were in the band back in the 70s! And, while there were several spin-off versions of Gong with names like PLANET GONG, MOTHER GONG, NEW YORK GONG, and GONGZILLA, the general rule of thumb is that guitarist/singer Daevid Allen was the member holding it all together; save for PIERRE MOERLEN’S GONG, where the drummer started his own version of the group.
But, with Allen having gone back to his home planet in 2015, guitarist/singer Fabio Golfetti, bassist Dave Sturt, saxophonist Ian East, and a couple other dudes who they picked up along the way, decided, eh, what the heck, let’s just continue calling ourselves Gong!
Regardless of such tomfoolery, Unending Ascending is full of neato avant-garde jams with saxophones and space noises, and is somewhat comparable to Hawkwind, albeit, less heavy and driving, along with a few boring ambient parts, but not enough to ruin the album.
Voivod – Morgöth Tales
VOIVOD is one of my favorite bands. I own every single album by them, including their absolutely pointless and silly “Ultraman” EP. I also have a Voivod tattoo, and, predictably, I included their previous album, Syncro-Anarchy, on last year’s best albums of the year list. But, I don’t want Morgöth Tales! I want MORE NEW VOIVOD SONGS!!! Okay, “Morgöth Tales” is a new a song, but I want an entire album of new songs! Morgöth Tales is one of those re-recordings-of-old-songs albums that I have no idea why bands put them out. Of course, it’s already good, because they’re working with songs I’ve already heard and loved; specifically one each from eight of their past studio albums, along with an early demo song, and it even has former bassists Eric “E-Force” Forrest and Jason “Jasonic” Newsted doing guest performances on the songs they originally recorded. And there’s a Public Image Ltd. cover where guitarist Chewy shreds on some STEVE VAI licks! But, as I said, I want new songs; not new versions of old songs.
And, here -- in reverse order (to make it way more exciting than it needs to be) -- are the top twenty albums of 2023, according to me!
20. Deviser – Evil Summons Evil
I wonder if any Greek black metal bands ever had anyone ask them, “Yeah, yeah, I KNOW you’re a HELLenic band, but what COUNTRY are you guys are from?” Hahaha, hilarious. If you’re not a black metal aficionado, you might not know that there’s a distinctly Greek variety of the genre, that the most popular proponent of this sub-category of black metal is ROTTING CHRIST, and that it’s a particularly accessible brand of black metal that very well could resemble normal mainstream forms of metal if not for the harsh, screechy vocals. Hence, this here band DEVISER, who have released their fifth studio album and first in eleven years. This is such a damn good album of catchy riffs, colored over by rich synthesizer textures, or in the case of “Tenebrae”, no riffs and only rich orchestral textures, or “Of Magick”, which has moaning chick vocals. Otherwise the songs kind of all do the same thing, which is alternate between slow, plodding parts and blast beats; so it can seem kind of same-y upon first listen, but it grows more compelling with each listen, except for the cringe-worthy Anton LaVey sample. I mean, really, dudes? Anton LaVey? In 2023? Maybe try some HEAVENlenic black metal for a change!
19. Withering Scorn – Prophets of Demise
One thing every MEGADETH fan wanted to know was when the Drover Bros. would get back together after their brief stint getting bossed around by Dave Mustaine! It’s also weird that guitarist Glen Drover was in TESTAMENT and QUEENSRŸCHE after Megadeth, while drummer Shawn Drover didn’t appear to do much of anything; at least not with any big, professional bands. WITHERING SCORN also includes power metal journeyman singer Henning Basse, whose credits include FIREWIND, BRAINSTORM, METALIUM, and LEGIONS OF THE NIGHT, and bassist Joe DiBiase, who, for what it’s worth, played live with FATES WARNING; and, hey, Prophets of Demise is just eight songs and 40 straight minutes of good heavy metal! It’s got some groove that might remind some of METAL CHURCH or maybe NEVERMORE, and there’s brief bits of thrashing, but really, it’s just about the great riffs and solos; cuz what’s metal without great riffs and solos?
18. Phil Campbell and the Bastard Sons – Kings of the Asylum
While former Motörhead drummer Mikkey Dee went off to make lotsa money playing SCORPIONS songs you’ve heard a gazillion times in outdoor sheds and nice-sized theaters, guitarist Phil Campbell is already on his third album with his sons, none of whom are apparently bastards, since, according to Wikipedia, Phil Campbell is actually married. You’ve got Todd Campbell on second guitar, Tyla Campbell on bass, and Dane Campbell on drums, along with some guy named Joel Peters on vocals. I suppose, if someone wonders if Motörhead would have had enough riffs to keep going until the end of eternity, that question is answered with Kings of the Asylum. It’s one of those things where, yeah, it sounds like Motörhead, but it also doesn’t, ya know? For one thing, CAMPBELL AND THE BASTARD SONS are doing more of the hard rock side of Motörhead, occasionally going right into punky, speedy territory, as opposed to the more metal stuff. And, really, if you switch the singer and bassist out for Lemmy, you’d essentially have Motörhead songs. Even titles like “Too Much Is Never Enough”, “Hammer and Dance”, and “The Hunt” sound like the names of Motörhead songs. And, no, “Show No Mercy” is not a SLAYER cover.
17. Metal Church – Congregation of Annihilation
Wanna know how badass and non-poser I am? I was a fan of new Metal Church singer Marc Lopes when he was shredding his vocal chords for ROSS THE BOSS. Boosh! Also, Metal Church’s only original member, lead/rhythm guitarist Kurdt Vanderhoof, looks like a shorter, fatter Wolf Hoffman, who is also the only original member of his band. Coincidence or conspiracy? Angry Metal Guy gave Congregation of Annihilation a bad review, claiming it doesn’t sound like Metal Church. But that’s bullshit; it’s got that classic quiet/loud dynamic that made the group so great and original way back on their self-titled debut and sophomore album, The Dark; the song “Me, the Nothing” is especially reminiscent of the classic Metal Church sound, and, well, it just plain kicks ass with lots of great lead guitar work from Rick Van Zandt (no relation to Towns).
The Metal Church thing has always been this middle ground between thrash and traditional heavy metal; thankfully they lean more towards the latter, so the dance floor doesn’t erupt into a mosh pit at their shows, because I hate mosh pits. You know what’s pretty funny, though? When I saw Metal Church live, Marc Lopes said, “Wow, we didn’t expect our new album to get such a good reception! We’ll come back and maybe play TWO songs from it next time!” Way to show confidence in your art, bro.
16. Cirith Ungol – Dark Parade
More like Cirith "Humble" if you ask me! In the documentary DVD that comes with the 2019 live release I’m Alive, Cirith Ungol singer Tim Baker – no relation to Doctor Who actor Tom Baker – has said that the primary reason Cirith Ungol failed to catch on in the 80s was because of his voice. I will say, while lots of bands with singers who are way easier on the ears didn’t make it in the 80s either – I’m going to discuss one such band down below – Baker’s assessment of his voice isn’t entirely wrong; that high pitch screeching of his ain’t exactly the most pleasant thing in the world. In fact, upon first listen, Baker sounds like Gonzo from The Muppet Show. For about five minutes, I too was in the “their music is awesome, but I can’t stand the guy’s voice” crowd.
Then something changed, and I got every Cirith Ungol album. It might have to do with their musical skill and craftsmanship, in addition to how their albums, at least the first two, Frost and Fire (1981) and King of the Dead (1984), give off a cryptic, out-of-their-time vibe; probably because they both consist of songs that were composed in the 70s, but didn’t get released until the 80s. And their third and fourth albums, One Foot in Hell (1986) and Paradise Lost (1991), are also terrific prog-power-doom metal albums, where the music quickly supersedes any vocal deficiencies.
Then they broke up in 1991, but NIGHT DEMON bassist and all-around metal enthusiast Jarvis Leatherby managed to round up Baker, original guitarist Greg Lindstrom, original drummer Robert Garven, and second guitarist Jim Barazza, who joined the group in the late 80s, for another go-round. First they released the comeback album called Forever Black, which I reviewed positively three years ago. They followed that with the EP Half Past Human, which is also a fine, if short, collection of songs. And now, here we are with Dark Parade.
Though, to be honest, I’m kinda bummed Cirith Ungol didn’t tie in Dark Parade with Michael Moorcock’s latest Elric story, The Citadel of Forgotten Myths. Not only that, but the lyrics to “Sailor on the Seas of Fate” have nothing to do with the novel after which it was named and has a riff that sounds like “Hall of the Mountain King”, while “Sacrifice” (that’s not an overused song title!) borrows the intro to the AEROSMITH classic “Back in the Saddle”, but it also has a pretty Spanish guitar intro. And, in general the lyrics seem to just be doom and gloom. What happened to “He’s the hero of the atom age/born in a test tube, raised in a cage”?
I guess Covid lockdowns will do that to you.
15. Ice Age – Waves of Loss and Power
Not to be confused with the post-punk/noise rock band ICEAGE, ICE AGE (two words) is a heavy prog band; but not prog-metal. How prog, you ask? Their singer Josh Pincus, who also plays keyboards, sounds exactly like Dennis DeYoung from STYX, and there’s a verse in the 14-minute-long “To Say Goodbye, Part V: Water Child” that goes “we survived the battles/ in the end we lost the war/ this prison of our freedom/ has no windows and no doors.” Oh, and the amazing cover shows a Medieval knight sitting on a rocking horse on a beach. In other words, Ice Age is deep and philosophical. But, thankfully, they rock as well; even if they do that ridiculous thing, where they have songs that are sequels to songs from older albums; like do I really give a rat's ass that “Perpetual Child II: Forever” is a continuation of an earlier instalment in the “Perpetual Child” series? Actually, what am I talking about? That’s a pretty smart way to hip fans to their older works, of which, there are only two, The Great Divide (1999) and Liberation (2001), which I have not heard, but plan to. Waves of Loss and Power also has some pretty piano on it and a pop-rock song called “All My Years”, which would probably serve as a good radio single if that was still a thing.
14. KK’s Priest – The Sinner Rides Again
There isn’t much I can say about the second KK’S PRIEST album that I didn’t already say in my initial review, where I tear Geoff Barton a new one for his lazy dismissal of The Sinner Rides Again. To be honest, K.K. Downing isn’t just trying to be Judas Priest 2.0, apart from the blatant JUDAS PRIEST references in song titles like “Sons of the Sentinel” and “One More Shot at Glory” and, of course, the band’s name, which I will never be fond of. Yes, you’ll notice a few Priest-isms, but that’s because HE WAS IN JUDAS PRIEST. What the hell is Downing supposed to do; become a jazz-fusion musician? No, of course not; this is what K.K. Downing does, and he does it well, and singer Tim “Ripper” Owens is his perfect foil.
With that said, I’m just gonna be lazy myself and just copy and paste some of my original review for your edification. Musically, The Sinner Rides Again alternates between quick and speedy tunes like “Sons of the Sentinel” and “Reap the Whirlwind”, which evoke the Defenders of the Faith era, and more complicated, progressive songs that are closer to Priest’s 70s material; like “The Sinner Rides Again”, which has soft and pretty breakdowns, along with Tim Owens singing in a calm voice, something he should do more often, “Strike of the Viper”, which has some interesting, atypical rhythms, and “Keeper of the Graves”, which uses acoustic guitars, spooky moaning, and the expectedly terrific guitar work to evoke the feeling of a classic Hammer picture. It’s classic heavy metal, it’s the genre K.K. Downing practically invented, and it’s the one where he naturally belongs.
As I also mentioned, I think the album is actually a little too short. I think it would have been improved by having an even ten songs and clocking in at 45 minutes, but that’s a minor complaint. On the other hand, a major complaint is that KK’s Priest isn’t playing Michigan on their tour. Don’t worry, readers; yours truly already has a ticket for the show in Columbus, OH. Though, for some reason, they brought L.A. GUNS along as their opener, as opposed to, I dunno, all the other great bands they could have chosen.
13. Elegant Weapons – Horns for a Halo
That’s right; I’m placing Richie Faulkner’s band one space ahead of K.K. Downing’s. Why is that? Because, as much as I love the second KK’s Priest album, I like that ELEGANT WEAPONS is entirely divorced from Priest and is its own musical animal; and that’s even with Scott Travis, his fellow Judas Priest bandmate, on drums. The rest of the supergroup includes journeyman singer Ronnie Romero, who sang for RAINBOW and MICHAEL SCHENKER, and Rex Brown from PANTERA and DOWN on bass. Regardless of how stacked the line-up is, Elegant Weapons is still really just the Richie Faulkner project; with nine of the ten songs written by Faulkner and two other guys, and a cover of the UFO classic “Lights Out”, cuz why not?
Horns for a Halo is just a great hard rock and heavy metal album that focuses more on the bluesy, groove-oriented side of the genre, rather than the Euro-derived, neo-classical side, which you obviously get with Faulkner’s other band; though, I suppose a couple of these songs, like the faster “Do or I” could pass as a Priest song. And, obviously, Romero is an entirely different kind of singer from either Rob Halford or Tim “Ripper” Owens. Nor would you expect Priest – Judas or KK’s – to do a slower, sexy, smoky night club jam like “Ghost of You” or the ZEPPELIN cock rock of “Bitter Pill” or the 70s metal grooves of “Dirty Pig” and “White Horse.” It’s also neat hearing Travis lay down some funkier beats.
Though, it would have been really cool if KK’s Priest had Elegant Weapons as their opening act, but I suppose that would be considered a conflict of interest.
12. Gloryhammer – Return to the Kingdom of Fife
There’s definitely been a dearth of synthwave in my listening as of late. But I think GLORYHAMMER makes a worthy enough substitute with their brand of Dance Dance Revolution and Mega Man brand of power metal and its use of videogame sounding synths. And, in this case, I can easily understand the derision a band like Gloryhammer receives from those who think power metal is “over the top.” Because, if nothing else, Gloryhammer is certainly over the top.
For one thing, they look like what they’re singing about; all five members wear costumes. Not just cool-ass-leather stage gear, but costumes of characters in their lore. Secondly, well, they have a FUCKING LORE; and this, their fourth and latest album, Return to the Kingdom of Fife, is actually a reference to their first, Tales from the Kingdom of Fife. They’re not the first, second, or hundredth band to attach their sound directly to a central story concept, but, as a result, all their songs are just about the little fantasy world they’ve created. There’s even, sigh, narration from no less than seven different “characters”, who keep you abreast of what’s going on. And, of course, the music itself is over the top.
But, before you think, “Okay, this is TOO nerdy, even for ME”, the keyboard/guitar interplay between Michael Barber and Paul Templing, and the amount of time and care it seems they put into compositions with needlessly long titles like “Holy Flaming Hammer of Unholy Cosmic Frost”, “Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenween”, and “Keeper of the Celestial Flame of Abernethy” elevate Gloryhammer above novelty band status. In other words, they’re doing this with conviction! And lest you know, that an entire chorus of singers sings the refrain to “Sword Lord of the Goblin Horde.” I also love the weapons roll call in “Wasteland Warriors Hoots Patrol.”
SWORDS! HAMMERS! BATTLEAXE!
11. Crom – The Era of Darkness
Not to be confused with the other fifty or so bands named after Conan the Barbarian’s deity of choice, one of which is a relatively popular powerviolence/sludge metal band, this CROM is the product of former SINDECADE and DARK FORTRESS guitarist Walter Grosse, who decided black metal was not his bag, and launched his epic power metal project, Crom, instead. And, just like fantasy comes in both the Medieval and ancient barbarian varieties, Crom is not happy-go-lucky Tolkien power metal, but dark, battle-themed Viking power metal. Some say it’s a cross between Viking metal and power metal, but I’m not even sure what Viking metal even is. I’m guessing the Viking parts are the acoustic, folky parts in songs like “Heart of a Lion”, the “ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah” chants in “The Era of Darkness”, the war-drums in “Higher Ground”, and just an overall grim atmosphere, rather than the victorious, uplifting vibes of, say, FELLOWSHIP, Gloryhammer, or TWILIGHT FORCE.
And, I guess, Crom is not really a one-man project anymore, since Grosse has been joined by two other proud Viking warriors credited as Steve on “solo guitar” and Tom on drums. The previous Crom album, When Northmen Die, is great, so I don’t know why Grosse felt he needed help with his music, but The Era of Darkness is no worse for the additional musicians. What I really love about Crom is that Grosse sings in a manly, and clean mid-range, rather than going into the overly theatrical thing you get with a lot of other power metal; which is why a song called “The Last Unicorn” legitimately sounds like a bittersweet send-off, when it very easily could have deteriorated into cheese, and “In Your Eyes” really makes you feel for a beaten king. And just check out the killer, MAIDEN-tier guitar work in opener “Into the Glory Land” or just the super catchy speed metal of “Riding into the Sun.” Hail Crom!
10. Twilight Force – At the Heart of Wintervale
I can listen to TWILIGHT FORCE with impunity, since I already have a girlfriend who regularly puts out. But, even if I didn’t, I would show no shame for loving a band whose insert includes a FUCKING MAP of the fantasy world they’re singing about.
But, first, let’s talk about power metal. See, lotta people like to talk shit about power metal, claiming it’s all for dorks ‘n’ nerds with its fantasy themed music and big, operatic gestures. But see, there was a time when any subgenre of metal was considered lame and cheesy. If you’re a traditional 70s, traditional 80s, thrash, death, or black metal fan, in the 90s and 00s, you too were the object of scorn from alternative rockers and indie kids who all felt that your music was outdated, overly serious, and/or lacking in self-awareness and irony. And, it’s especially rich when all these kids into classic metal or NWOBHM or this modern wave of young bands LARPing like its 1982 calling themselves the New Wave of Traditional Heavy Metal all of a sudden draw their proverbial line in the sand at power metal. Like, all that other stuff is super cool and not cheesy and not dorky and not nerdy, but ooh no, we won’t touch power metal! That stuff’s for the ACTUAL nerds! You guys don’t know how lame one was perceived in the 90s and early 00s for wearing black denim, a black leather motorcycle jacket and/or cut-off denim “battle vest”, a bullet belt, and a Motörhead, Iron Maiden, or Judas Priest t-shirt!
So, all you power metal haters are a bunch of posers, hypocrites, and phony hipster trash.
Like Gloryhammer and ELVENKING, Twilight Force looks like what they sound like. They’re a sextet with the standard singer, dual guitars, keyboards, bass, ‘n’ drums, but the members literally dress like the elves, knights, and wizards that they sing about. And all of their albums have gorgeous dragon paintings on the cover, and their music is suffused with wonderful and majestic orchestral arrangements, without losing any of the metal bite. Happy, inspirational, Narnia-metal, with lyrics like “dreams come true, your fate will come to life/use the magic in your heart, Dragonborn.”
But what’s kinda strange is that their fourth and latest album, At the Heart of Wintervale, has a song on it called “Twilight Force.” You’d think they’d have done that one on a previous release.
Then again, 2023 seems to be the year that several other bands are putting a song on their new release that’s named after the band; the latest ALCATRAZZ album has a song “Alcatrazz” on it, and the latest Immortal album has a song called “Immortal”!
And the latest Jethro Tull album has a song on it called “Jethro Tull” that goes, “he is Jethro Tull, Tull, Tull/he is not dull, dull, dull/he’s an agri-CULL – hahaha, I just made that last one up, but I had you going there for a sec, didn’t I?
9. The Chronicles of Father Robin – Book I: The Tale of Father Robin (State of Nature)
Yes, the name of the band is the CHRONICLES OF FATHER ROBIN, which confused the guy working at Dearborn Music when I asked if they had this CD, since that sounds more like the name of an album than that of a band. And I guess it’s supposed to be a supergroup with members of various Norwegian prog and experimental bands; specifically WOBBLER, the SAMUEL JACKSON FIVE, TUSMØRKE , and JORDSJØ. But, if that’s the case, why is only Thomas Kaldhol from Samuel Jackson Five listed among the main musicians, and Lars Fredrik Frøislie, who is in Wobbler and Tusmørke, and Håkon Oftung of Jordsjø only listed as “very special guests”? And, as for the rest of the band, I cross-referenced bassist Jon Andre Nilsen, drummer Henrik Harmer, singer Aleksandra Morozova, and flautist/pianist/organist Regin Meyer, and didn’t find them to be in any other bands.
CoFR basically just appears to be the pet project of Wobbler guitarist/singer Andreas Wettergreen Strømman Prestmo. And, as implied by the title, Book I is the first part, of which there are two that will follow shortly; well, on CD, that is. I guess all three parts are already out on vinyl.
18. Phil Campbell and the Bastard Sons – Kings of the Asylum
While former Motörhead drummer Mikkey Dee went off to make lotsa money playing SCORPIONS songs you’ve heard a gazillion times in outdoor sheds and nice-sized theaters, guitarist Phil Campbell is already on his third album with his sons, none of whom are apparently bastards, since, according to Wikipedia, Phil Campbell is actually married. You’ve got Todd Campbell on second guitar, Tyla Campbell on bass, and Dane Campbell on drums, along with some guy named Joel Peters on vocals. I suppose, if someone wonders if Motörhead would have had enough riffs to keep going until the end of eternity, that question is answered with Kings of the Asylum. It’s one of those things where, yeah, it sounds like Motörhead, but it also doesn’t, ya know? For one thing, CAMPBELL AND THE BASTARD SONS are doing more of the hard rock side of Motörhead, occasionally going right into punky, speedy territory, as opposed to the more metal stuff. And, really, if you switch the singer and bassist out for Lemmy, you’d essentially have Motörhead songs. Even titles like “Too Much Is Never Enough”, “Hammer and Dance”, and “The Hunt” sound like the names of Motörhead songs. And, no, “Show No Mercy” is not a SLAYER cover.
17. Metal Church – Congregation of Annihilation
Wanna know how badass and non-poser I am? I was a fan of new Metal Church singer Marc Lopes when he was shredding his vocal chords for ROSS THE BOSS. Boosh! Also, Metal Church’s only original member, lead/rhythm guitarist Kurdt Vanderhoof, looks like a shorter, fatter Wolf Hoffman, who is also the only original member of his band. Coincidence or conspiracy? Angry Metal Guy gave Congregation of Annihilation a bad review, claiming it doesn’t sound like Metal Church. But that’s bullshit; it’s got that classic quiet/loud dynamic that made the group so great and original way back on their self-titled debut and sophomore album, The Dark; the song “Me, the Nothing” is especially reminiscent of the classic Metal Church sound, and, well, it just plain kicks ass with lots of great lead guitar work from Rick Van Zandt (no relation to Towns).
The Metal Church thing has always been this middle ground between thrash and traditional heavy metal; thankfully they lean more towards the latter, so the dance floor doesn’t erupt into a mosh pit at their shows, because I hate mosh pits. You know what’s pretty funny, though? When I saw Metal Church live, Marc Lopes said, “Wow, we didn’t expect our new album to get such a good reception! We’ll come back and maybe play TWO songs from it next time!” Way to show confidence in your art, bro.
16. Cirith Ungol – Dark Parade
More like Cirith "Humble" if you ask me! In the documentary DVD that comes with the 2019 live release I’m Alive, Cirith Ungol singer Tim Baker – no relation to Doctor Who actor Tom Baker – has said that the primary reason Cirith Ungol failed to catch on in the 80s was because of his voice. I will say, while lots of bands with singers who are way easier on the ears didn’t make it in the 80s either – I’m going to discuss one such band down below – Baker’s assessment of his voice isn’t entirely wrong; that high pitch screeching of his ain’t exactly the most pleasant thing in the world. In fact, upon first listen, Baker sounds like Gonzo from The Muppet Show. For about five minutes, I too was in the “their music is awesome, but I can’t stand the guy’s voice” crowd.
Then something changed, and I got every Cirith Ungol album. It might have to do with their musical skill and craftsmanship, in addition to how their albums, at least the first two, Frost and Fire (1981) and King of the Dead (1984), give off a cryptic, out-of-their-time vibe; probably because they both consist of songs that were composed in the 70s, but didn’t get released until the 80s. And their third and fourth albums, One Foot in Hell (1986) and Paradise Lost (1991), are also terrific prog-power-doom metal albums, where the music quickly supersedes any vocal deficiencies.
Then they broke up in 1991, but NIGHT DEMON bassist and all-around metal enthusiast Jarvis Leatherby managed to round up Baker, original guitarist Greg Lindstrom, original drummer Robert Garven, and second guitarist Jim Barazza, who joined the group in the late 80s, for another go-round. First they released the comeback album called Forever Black, which I reviewed positively three years ago. They followed that with the EP Half Past Human, which is also a fine, if short, collection of songs. And now, here we are with Dark Parade.
Though, to be honest, I’m kinda bummed Cirith Ungol didn’t tie in Dark Parade with Michael Moorcock’s latest Elric story, The Citadel of Forgotten Myths. Not only that, but the lyrics to “Sailor on the Seas of Fate” have nothing to do with the novel after which it was named and has a riff that sounds like “Hall of the Mountain King”, while “Sacrifice” (that’s not an overused song title!) borrows the intro to the AEROSMITH classic “Back in the Saddle”, but it also has a pretty Spanish guitar intro. And, in general the lyrics seem to just be doom and gloom. What happened to “He’s the hero of the atom age/born in a test tube, raised in a cage”?
I guess Covid lockdowns will do that to you.
15. Ice Age – Waves of Loss and Power
Not to be confused with the post-punk/noise rock band ICEAGE, ICE AGE (two words) is a heavy prog band; but not prog-metal. How prog, you ask? Their singer Josh Pincus, who also plays keyboards, sounds exactly like Dennis DeYoung from STYX, and there’s a verse in the 14-minute-long “To Say Goodbye, Part V: Water Child” that goes “we survived the battles/ in the end we lost the war/ this prison of our freedom/ has no windows and no doors.” Oh, and the amazing cover shows a Medieval knight sitting on a rocking horse on a beach. In other words, Ice Age is deep and philosophical. But, thankfully, they rock as well; even if they do that ridiculous thing, where they have songs that are sequels to songs from older albums; like do I really give a rat's ass that “Perpetual Child II: Forever” is a continuation of an earlier instalment in the “Perpetual Child” series? Actually, what am I talking about? That’s a pretty smart way to hip fans to their older works, of which, there are only two, The Great Divide (1999) and Liberation (2001), which I have not heard, but plan to. Waves of Loss and Power also has some pretty piano on it and a pop-rock song called “All My Years”, which would probably serve as a good radio single if that was still a thing.
14. KK’s Priest – The Sinner Rides Again
There isn’t much I can say about the second KK’S PRIEST album that I didn’t already say in my initial review, where I tear Geoff Barton a new one for his lazy dismissal of The Sinner Rides Again. To be honest, K.K. Downing isn’t just trying to be Judas Priest 2.0, apart from the blatant JUDAS PRIEST references in song titles like “Sons of the Sentinel” and “One More Shot at Glory” and, of course, the band’s name, which I will never be fond of. Yes, you’ll notice a few Priest-isms, but that’s because HE WAS IN JUDAS PRIEST. What the hell is Downing supposed to do; become a jazz-fusion musician? No, of course not; this is what K.K. Downing does, and he does it well, and singer Tim “Ripper” Owens is his perfect foil.
With that said, I’m just gonna be lazy myself and just copy and paste some of my original review for your edification. Musically, The Sinner Rides Again alternates between quick and speedy tunes like “Sons of the Sentinel” and “Reap the Whirlwind”, which evoke the Defenders of the Faith era, and more complicated, progressive songs that are closer to Priest’s 70s material; like “The Sinner Rides Again”, which has soft and pretty breakdowns, along with Tim Owens singing in a calm voice, something he should do more often, “Strike of the Viper”, which has some interesting, atypical rhythms, and “Keeper of the Graves”, which uses acoustic guitars, spooky moaning, and the expectedly terrific guitar work to evoke the feeling of a classic Hammer picture. It’s classic heavy metal, it’s the genre K.K. Downing practically invented, and it’s the one where he naturally belongs.
As I also mentioned, I think the album is actually a little too short. I think it would have been improved by having an even ten songs and clocking in at 45 minutes, but that’s a minor complaint. On the other hand, a major complaint is that KK’s Priest isn’t playing Michigan on their tour. Don’t worry, readers; yours truly already has a ticket for the show in Columbus, OH. Though, for some reason, they brought L.A. GUNS along as their opener, as opposed to, I dunno, all the other great bands they could have chosen.
13. Elegant Weapons – Horns for a Halo
That’s right; I’m placing Richie Faulkner’s band one space ahead of K.K. Downing’s. Why is that? Because, as much as I love the second KK’s Priest album, I like that ELEGANT WEAPONS is entirely divorced from Priest and is its own musical animal; and that’s even with Scott Travis, his fellow Judas Priest bandmate, on drums. The rest of the supergroup includes journeyman singer Ronnie Romero, who sang for RAINBOW and MICHAEL SCHENKER, and Rex Brown from PANTERA and DOWN on bass. Regardless of how stacked the line-up is, Elegant Weapons is still really just the Richie Faulkner project; with nine of the ten songs written by Faulkner and two other guys, and a cover of the UFO classic “Lights Out”, cuz why not?
Horns for a Halo is just a great hard rock and heavy metal album that focuses more on the bluesy, groove-oriented side of the genre, rather than the Euro-derived, neo-classical side, which you obviously get with Faulkner’s other band; though, I suppose a couple of these songs, like the faster “Do or I” could pass as a Priest song. And, obviously, Romero is an entirely different kind of singer from either Rob Halford or Tim “Ripper” Owens. Nor would you expect Priest – Judas or KK’s – to do a slower, sexy, smoky night club jam like “Ghost of You” or the ZEPPELIN cock rock of “Bitter Pill” or the 70s metal grooves of “Dirty Pig” and “White Horse.” It’s also neat hearing Travis lay down some funkier beats.
Though, it would have been really cool if KK’s Priest had Elegant Weapons as their opening act, but I suppose that would be considered a conflict of interest.
12. Gloryhammer – Return to the Kingdom of Fife
There’s definitely been a dearth of synthwave in my listening as of late. But I think GLORYHAMMER makes a worthy enough substitute with their brand of Dance Dance Revolution and Mega Man brand of power metal and its use of videogame sounding synths. And, in this case, I can easily understand the derision a band like Gloryhammer receives from those who think power metal is “over the top.” Because, if nothing else, Gloryhammer is certainly over the top.
For one thing, they look like what they’re singing about; all five members wear costumes. Not just cool-ass-leather stage gear, but costumes of characters in their lore. Secondly, well, they have a FUCKING LORE; and this, their fourth and latest album, Return to the Kingdom of Fife, is actually a reference to their first, Tales from the Kingdom of Fife. They’re not the first, second, or hundredth band to attach their sound directly to a central story concept, but, as a result, all their songs are just about the little fantasy world they’ve created. There’s even, sigh, narration from no less than seven different “characters”, who keep you abreast of what’s going on. And, of course, the music itself is over the top.
But, before you think, “Okay, this is TOO nerdy, even for ME”, the keyboard/guitar interplay between Michael Barber and Paul Templing, and the amount of time and care it seems they put into compositions with needlessly long titles like “Holy Flaming Hammer of Unholy Cosmic Frost”, “Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenween”, and “Keeper of the Celestial Flame of Abernethy” elevate Gloryhammer above novelty band status. In other words, they’re doing this with conviction! And lest you know, that an entire chorus of singers sings the refrain to “Sword Lord of the Goblin Horde.” I also love the weapons roll call in “Wasteland Warriors Hoots Patrol.”
SWORDS! HAMMERS! BATTLEAXE!
11. Crom – The Era of Darkness
Not to be confused with the other fifty or so bands named after Conan the Barbarian’s deity of choice, one of which is a relatively popular powerviolence/sludge metal band, this CROM is the product of former SINDECADE and DARK FORTRESS guitarist Walter Grosse, who decided black metal was not his bag, and launched his epic power metal project, Crom, instead. And, just like fantasy comes in both the Medieval and ancient barbarian varieties, Crom is not happy-go-lucky Tolkien power metal, but dark, battle-themed Viking power metal. Some say it’s a cross between Viking metal and power metal, but I’m not even sure what Viking metal even is. I’m guessing the Viking parts are the acoustic, folky parts in songs like “Heart of a Lion”, the “ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah” chants in “The Era of Darkness”, the war-drums in “Higher Ground”, and just an overall grim atmosphere, rather than the victorious, uplifting vibes of, say, FELLOWSHIP, Gloryhammer, or TWILIGHT FORCE.
And, I guess, Crom is not really a one-man project anymore, since Grosse has been joined by two other proud Viking warriors credited as Steve on “solo guitar” and Tom on drums. The previous Crom album, When Northmen Die, is great, so I don’t know why Grosse felt he needed help with his music, but The Era of Darkness is no worse for the additional musicians. What I really love about Crom is that Grosse sings in a manly, and clean mid-range, rather than going into the overly theatrical thing you get with a lot of other power metal; which is why a song called “The Last Unicorn” legitimately sounds like a bittersweet send-off, when it very easily could have deteriorated into cheese, and “In Your Eyes” really makes you feel for a beaten king. And just check out the killer, MAIDEN-tier guitar work in opener “Into the Glory Land” or just the super catchy speed metal of “Riding into the Sun.” Hail Crom!
10. Twilight Force – At the Heart of Wintervale
I can listen to TWILIGHT FORCE with impunity, since I already have a girlfriend who regularly puts out. But, even if I didn’t, I would show no shame for loving a band whose insert includes a FUCKING MAP of the fantasy world they’re singing about.
But, first, let’s talk about power metal. See, lotta people like to talk shit about power metal, claiming it’s all for dorks ‘n’ nerds with its fantasy themed music and big, operatic gestures. But see, there was a time when any subgenre of metal was considered lame and cheesy. If you’re a traditional 70s, traditional 80s, thrash, death, or black metal fan, in the 90s and 00s, you too were the object of scorn from alternative rockers and indie kids who all felt that your music was outdated, overly serious, and/or lacking in self-awareness and irony. And, it’s especially rich when all these kids into classic metal or NWOBHM or this modern wave of young bands LARPing like its 1982 calling themselves the New Wave of Traditional Heavy Metal all of a sudden draw their proverbial line in the sand at power metal. Like, all that other stuff is super cool and not cheesy and not dorky and not nerdy, but ooh no, we won’t touch power metal! That stuff’s for the ACTUAL nerds! You guys don’t know how lame one was perceived in the 90s and early 00s for wearing black denim, a black leather motorcycle jacket and/or cut-off denim “battle vest”, a bullet belt, and a Motörhead, Iron Maiden, or Judas Priest t-shirt!
So, all you power metal haters are a bunch of posers, hypocrites, and phony hipster trash.
Like Gloryhammer and ELVENKING, Twilight Force looks like what they sound like. They’re a sextet with the standard singer, dual guitars, keyboards, bass, ‘n’ drums, but the members literally dress like the elves, knights, and wizards that they sing about. And all of their albums have gorgeous dragon paintings on the cover, and their music is suffused with wonderful and majestic orchestral arrangements, without losing any of the metal bite. Happy, inspirational, Narnia-metal, with lyrics like “dreams come true, your fate will come to life/use the magic in your heart, Dragonborn.”
But what’s kinda strange is that their fourth and latest album, At the Heart of Wintervale, has a song on it called “Twilight Force.” You’d think they’d have done that one on a previous release.
Then again, 2023 seems to be the year that several other bands are putting a song on their new release that’s named after the band; the latest ALCATRAZZ album has a song “Alcatrazz” on it, and the latest Immortal album has a song called “Immortal”!
And the latest Jethro Tull album has a song on it called “Jethro Tull” that goes, “he is Jethro Tull, Tull, Tull/he is not dull, dull, dull/he’s an agri-CULL – hahaha, I just made that last one up, but I had you going there for a sec, didn’t I?
9. The Chronicles of Father Robin – Book I: The Tale of Father Robin (State of Nature)
Yes, the name of the band is the CHRONICLES OF FATHER ROBIN, which confused the guy working at Dearborn Music when I asked if they had this CD, since that sounds more like the name of an album than that of a band. And I guess it’s supposed to be a supergroup with members of various Norwegian prog and experimental bands; specifically WOBBLER, the SAMUEL JACKSON FIVE, TUSMØRKE , and JORDSJØ. But, if that’s the case, why is only Thomas Kaldhol from Samuel Jackson Five listed among the main musicians, and Lars Fredrik Frøislie, who is in Wobbler and Tusmørke, and Håkon Oftung of Jordsjø only listed as “very special guests”? And, as for the rest of the band, I cross-referenced bassist Jon Andre Nilsen, drummer Henrik Harmer, singer Aleksandra Morozova, and flautist/pianist/organist Regin Meyer, and didn’t find them to be in any other bands.
CoFR basically just appears to be the pet project of Wobbler guitarist/singer Andreas Wettergreen Strømman Prestmo. And, as implied by the title, Book I is the first part, of which there are two that will follow shortly; well, on CD, that is. I guess all three parts are already out on vinyl.
But, yeah, it’s damn good 70s-style prog with a folky intro track called “The Tale of Father Robin” and four lengthy pieces with quite fitting progressive rock names; “Eleision Forest”, “The Death of the Fair Maiden”, “Twilight Fields”, and (sigh) “Unicorn.” And, as you’d expect, these songs have lots of little parts where the band members jam out on Moogs and Mellatrons and Hammonds and flutes and wishy-wooshy sounds and everything you’d expect from 70s prog, and it’s terrific from start to finish; just one catchy, original musical concept after another, making long songs go by in a breeze. I can’t wait for parts two and three!
8. Enforcer – Nostalgia
I think, with a few noteworthy exceptions, such as the superb HELLFIRE, this whole New Wave of Traditional Heavy Metal thing has devolved into a bunch of trendy bullshit as well. Y'know, where bands with a female vocalist dressed like a prostitute or dominatrix, who can barely hit a note, is backed by a bunch of simps of middling talent, who mostly likely came from the punk world but discovered how to do a Maiden-style hammer-on, and they now fill up hipster clubs on the off-night that that club does a metal showcase rather than their typical garage punk, indie rock, or benefit show for some lame brain progressive cause. Or these new bands try to push progressive causes.
But, thankfully, like WOLF, BULLET, and AMBUSH, ENFOCER are Swedish and part of the older wave of bands that have been crammed into this revival of old fashioned heavy metal. If anything, Enforcer sound like a New Wave of British Heavy Metal band in the mid-80s trying to polish up their sound with a couple of poppier songs and some synth sprinkled throughout in an attempt to break out of the underground; and they’re doing what TANK did on their third and fourth albums, This Means War and Honour & Blood, where they start the album with a synthesizer intro.
When I interviewed Trevor Church of HAUNT (interview coming, I promise!), he said that his band, along with Night Demon and Enforcer, should be playing way bigger venues than, well, the hipster club they were playing on the off-night that it was doing a metal showcase. Funny thing is, the party anthem “White Lights in the USA” makes it seem as though Enforcer are huge rock stars playing the Palace of Auburn Hills!
Which is one of the many reasons Enforcer are so great! Enforcer – not to be confused with the hardcore thrashers ENFORCED – are back to show you why Sweden is the number one source for your old-fashioned, early-80s heavy metal; well, except for the new SCREAMER album, Kingmaker, which I didn’t think was that good.
Hawt damn, is singer/guitarist/band leader Olof Wikstrand a great songwriter! In a different era, “Heartbeats” and “No Tomorrow” would have been huge pop-metal hits, while the group also spits out speed-metal rippers like “Coming Alive”, “Kiss of Death”, and “Metal Supremacia”, catchy middle-upper tempo rockers like “Unshackle Me”, “At the End of the Rainbow”, and “Demon”, and even a damn fine ballad, which is also the title track.
I just wish older bands, like SAXON or GIRLSCHOOL, would scoop up Enforcer for a leg of their North American dates.
7. Pink Fairies – Screwed Up
Tim Sommer, the A&R guy above who thought very highly of the latest PiL album, also said something similar about the latest Hawkwind album, The Future Never Waits, claiming it to be Hawkwind’s best album since I forgot how many decades. And, while I appreciate his enthusiasm, I’m at a complete loss as to what he was so damn impressed by. And, don’t get me wrong; I’m a HUUUUGE Hawkwind fan and own every album. But, I’m also not afraid to say that their track record as of late hasn’t been spectacular. The only reason I didn’t mention The Future Never Waits among my biggest disappointments of 2023 is that, after the last couple of Hawkwind albums, Carnivorous and Somnia, I wasn’t actually expecting it be that good. I hate saying that about a band that I’ve enjoyed for such a large part of my life, but these latest albums are just self-indulgent, predominantly ambient works that barely resemble the heavy, driving space rock that the group became (relatively) famous for.
On the OTHER hand, their once long ago “brother” band the PINK FAIRIES, who come from their same neck of the woods, namely the hippie, biker, speed freak, and anarchist-filled Ladbroke Grove district of London, have released a really good album that actually sounds more like Hawkwind than the Pink Fairies. They even cover “Hassan I Sahba” by Hawkwind and have former Hawkwind violin player Simon House on the song.
What I wanna know is how many Motörhead fans are hardcore enough to pick up Screwed Up just because original Motörhead drummer Lucas Fox is on it! Screwed Up also includes original Pink Fairies guitarist/singer Paul Rudolph, who replaced Lemmy in Hawkwind on bass back in 1975, and Alan Davey, a former Hawkwind bass player who was clearly inspired by Lemmy, on bass. But, as I mentioned, what’s really crazy is that Screwed Up actually sounds more like a Hawkwind album than a Pink Fairies album! The Pink Fairies were always a more traditional hard rock band than Hawkwind, and their previous album, Resident Reptiles, which came out in 2018 and features the same lineup, is no exception. So it’s bizarre hearing the Pink Fairies do driving space rock with the “motorik” beats and wishy-wooshy effects created by synthesizers.
Oh well, if Hawkwind won’t do it, I guess the Pink Fairies have to!
6. Alcatrazz – Take No Prisoners
If I had heard Day Out in Nowhere by the GRAHAM BONNET BAND in 2022, it would have easily made my top ten or twenty list for that year; same with Earth Infernal by SATAN. But we have to live with our choices, and so, on this here list, you get two consolation slots. The first of which is occupied by the sixth Alcatrazz album, Take No Prisoners. Now let me make this clear; I love Alcatrazz, and it doesn’t matter to me whether the guitarist is YNGIE MALMSTEEN, STEVE VAI, Dave Johnson, or latest guy Joe Stump, nor if the singer is Graham Bonnet or Doogie White.
Somehow, in spite cycling through four guitarists and replacing the freakin’ guy who started the band with the journeyman singer who fronted Rainbow, along with a completely fake version of Tank, Alcatrazz remain consistently awesome! And, before you think that the two original members, keyboardist Jimmy Waldo and bassist Gary Shea, are the secret weapons, well, just look at the songwriting credits. Nothing explains how so many different writers, both in and outside of the band, can contribute so much great and cohesive material!
The only reason Graham Bonnet left in the first place is, because apparently he thought Alcatrazz was getting too heavy, which is really wild considering Day Out in Nowhere could easily be mistaken for an Alcatrazz album. But, I suppose a handful of the songs are a tad heavier than his band. Actually, you know what Take No Prisoners sounds like? Saxon with keyboards.
No, I’m totally serious here! First of all, Doogie White sounds almost exactly like Biff Byford. So, if later-period Saxon members want to make money by piggybacking off the name of the group the way later-period Tank members did, at the very least Doogie White sounds like the singer he’s replacing.
And, secondly, the music does sound pretty close to what Saxon do; alternating between speedier tracks like “Bring on the Rawk”, galloping battle anthems like “Power in Numbers”, and good time party tunes like “Don’t Get Mad… Get Even”, which, by the way, features Girlschool! And what do you know? Saxon bassist Nibbs Carter even co-wrote the song “Holy Roller (Love’s Temple).”
Though I wonder if Graham Bonnet considers it to be a slap in the face that Take No Prisoners includes a song called “Alcatrazz”!
5. Mortuary Drape – Black Mirror
I ain’t gonna lie and act like I’ve been a die-hard fan of a band this whole time if’n I had no idea who they even were until now! But it’s only further proof of how great a group is if their newest release won me over. And, really, it should have been an obvious sell when my boy Jesse lent me a copy of the previous MORTUARY DRAPE release, the Wisdom – Vibration – Repent EP from last year, and it had a freakin’ cover of MERCYFUL FATE's “Nightmare Be thy Name” from their Time album! The fact that this ass-old Italian band covered 90s Mercyful Fate, the stuff that gets virtually ignored by the band themselves – Mercyful Fate didn’t play any of their 90s material when I saw ‘em last year! – rather than the popular, hipster approved Fate standards like “Evil” or “Into the Coven”, should have made me an insta-fan from that alone. Jesse even asked what my problem was, and I reiterate what I said on last year’s best album’s list when I didn’t include the Cirith Ungol EP Half Past Human; treating an EP like a real album is like treating a kid like a real person.
But, now, Mortuary Drape is back with a real album, a really GOOD album, their sixth full-length overall, and first in nine years. And, while technically the group “officially” formed in 1986, lead singer Walter “Wildness Perversion” Maini, who at times also doubled as the drummer, is the group’s only original member, and everyone else has only been a part of the band since as early as 2010.
Overall, Mortuary Drape is considered a black metal band. But, it’s black metal in the loose sense of the term; some call it “first wave” black metal, harkening back to the innocent halcyon 80s days of the playful occult infatuation of bands like Venom, Mercyful Fate, SODOM, HELLHAMMER, CELTIC FROST, BATHORY, and fellow Italian compatriots DEATH SS and BULLDOZER, but a sound that might not really be considered black metal in the strictest sense. Except, of course, for Bathory, who if I don’t mention that, Jesse will punch me in the stomach.
Mortuary Drape are just a dark ‘n’ spooky ol’ fashion heavy metal band with lots of catchy-ass riffs, blazing solos, excellent guitar interplay, and softer parts for the sake of dynamics, but with harsher, demonic vocals and a few blast beats. And having super skilled session players, including members of non-black metal bands, like Simone Cappato, the bassist from Italian power metal band DRAKKAR, is clearly a boon in helping execute Maini’s vision; which should be fairly obvious with song titles like “Restless Death”, “Into the Oblivion”, “Nocturnal Coven”, and “The Unburied.” Though I’m also guessing, with a title like “Mistress of Sorcerer”, Maini’s mission is also helped by an Italian-to-English dictionary.
4. U.D.O. – Touchdown
With Peter Baltes now playing bass for Udo Dirkschneider, U.D.O. has more original ACCEPT members than Accept! And, while some might find Touchdown’s homage to American football to be really cheesy, especially with the shiny football on the cover and the band members all wearing football uniforms, only the title track is about football, and this also means that U.D.O. was marketing themselves to their American fans and perhaps planning on hitting the States hard! And then I saw they indeed were going to play the Token Lounge, the best venue in Metro Detroit, only to cancel and reschedule for more than a year later.
But, hey, good things come to those who wait, and regardless, Touchdown is a top-to-bottom scorcher of classic metal; speed-metal, power-ish metal, prog-ish metal, hard rock, and even a kind of 80s pop-metal song called “Better Start to Run” that cops a riff from the Alice Cooper song “Snakebite.” I know you would expect me to slap an U.D.O. album on my best albums of any year list, since I’m a hardcore U.D.O. fan who owns every album, but, if I’m going to exercise some critical objectivity, the one big difference between this current album and its 2021 predecessor, Game Over, is that it doesn’t have any ballads, and the album’s thirteen tracks blaze by in 54 brisk minutes.
Then again, every U.D.O. album is briskly paced. The group could release a three hour triple album with 36 songs on it, and it would still seem like it’s only a half hour long. In essence, U.D.O. is kinda like Motörhead, where their albums are insanely consistent, and some fools might even say they all sound the same. But, of course, in both cases, little details make a bunch of similar sounding songs unique little gems, with lead guitarists Dee Dammers and Andrey Smirnov delivering riffs and solos in the classic Accept/U.D.O. style that might give Wolf Hoffman a reason to sweat; all while Udo shrieks in his patented raspy voice that refuses to show ANY sign of wear in spite of his seven decades on the planet!
And, gosh darnit, I also find that little German man’s heartfelt lyrics about fighting for what’s right in lyrics that go “fight – fight for the right/believe in the good, because the good will always win” so darn adorable! There’s also a song called “Heroes of Freedom” about taking on the bad guy in World War II, not the Japanese one, but the other one, and another song called “Punchline” about some jerk who thinks he’s cool, but acts like a fool!!! Boy, I’d sure hate to be THAT guy, whoever Udo is singing about! Geez, I hope it’s not me!
Maybe I’ll ask him when I see him this October!
3. Tanith – Voyage
As I mentioned earlier, one of my bigger sins in 2022 was neglecting to get into Satan, a way lesser known band to emerge out of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, and to name Earth Infernal as one of the best albums of that year. Like Cirith Ungol and another band that will be revealed shortly, Satan had one of those frustrating start/stop careers in which they released an underground classic back in the 80s – in their case their debut LP Court in the Act – and then was hamstrung by the tumultuous nature of the record industry; only to be resurrected, under no false pretences that they’d ever become huge rock stars, but to consistently release high quality works on independent metal labels run by enthusiastic fans.
And, hoo boy, have the post-reunion Satan albums been phenomenal; Life Sentence (2013), Atom by Atom (2015), Cruel Magic (2018), and their aforementioned latest, Earth Infernal, are all absolute must-owns. A huge driver of what makes the group so great is their unique melodies. And one of the creators of those unique melodies, lead guitarist Russ Tippins, started this other band called TANITH in 2017 with singer/bassist Cindy Maynard, drummer Keith Robinson, and second guitarist Charlie Newton, and released a similarly phenomenal debut album called In Another Time in 2019.
Now they’re on their second album, Voyage, and it’s soooo great, possibly topping the first. I don’t even know where to start with it. I guess, first of all, if you’re a fan of Satan, there’s absolutely no reason you wouldn’t be a fan of Tanith. In fact, if anything, Tanith sound like a band that actually formed in the 70s and who evolved into Satan as the 80s approached; kinda like how SMILER became Iron Maiden or how Rocka Rolla-era Judas Priest became Hell Bent for Leather-era Judas Priest or how Lonesome Crow-era Scorpions became Lovedrive-era Scorpions or how On Parole-era Motörhead became Overkill-era Motörhead. Get me? They sound like a 70s hard rock band with elements of heavy metal and prog that emerged into a full-blown heavy metal band as the 80s approached; and, if Doctor Who put them in the Tardis and transported them back to 1975, Satan might have come from Tanith, rather than the other way around, thus causing a huge, irreparable rift in the time/space continuum.
But, of course, we’re living in this reality, and Tanith is a new band, and if they were bummed by being reduced to a trio with the departure of Charlie Newton, they certainly don’t show it. I mean, yeah, they are helped by another second guitarist named Andee Blacksugar, who toured with BLONDIE, PETER MURPHY, and KMFDM, of all strange things, but like the first album, Voyage is just pure 70s, geekoid, Dungeons & Dragons and Michael-Moorcock-in-a-wood-panel-basement joy and fun, with acoustic guitars intermingling with their electric betters, alternating male and female vocals, and song titles like “Falling Wizard”, “Olympus by Dawn”, “Architects of Time”, and “Seven Moons (Galantia Pt. 2).” Also, the fast song, “Adrasteia”, kind of sounds like a Satan song anyway.
Plus Tanith is almost an anagram of Satan.
2. The Gauntlet – Dark Steel and Fire
And that’s when I realized that I don’t like too many of these blackened thrash revivalist bands. They all sound the same! I feel bad for saying this, but after I listened to the latest HELLRIPPER album, Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags, I realized that it kind of sounds like copypasta or an AI album generated from Venom, Bathory, Sodom, and ONSLAUGHT. Same for that new band, CRUEL FORCE, that everyone’s jizzing all over! I even told my friend Jared, this just reminds me of Onslaught, and he said, “Is that a bad thing?” I suppose it’s not if your only metric for musical enjoyment is whether something sounds like something else you’ve already enjoyed.
But, as a man with a larger than average IQ, I need MORE than just homages to the past! Thankfully THE GAUNTLET takes the path less traveled. On one hand, the most obvious musical reference is HellHammer. I appreciate that Ace Megiddo, who credits himself with all instruments and vocals, eschewed the repetitive polka beat that dominates thrash, opting for mid-tempo, or in some cases, just slow songs, because, as RazörFist pointed years ago, the strength of a band’s songwriting truly comes out when they’re not playing fast. Hey, fast is fun, but bands that only play fast are almost just covering for the fact that they’re not very good.
On the other hand, Dark Steel and Fire is not just a rip-off of HellHammer! That’s for sure! First of all, some reviewers goofed on the album’s cover, which has some dark knight type figure decked out in armor, riding a crotch rocket, swinging a triple mace, about to battle demons in some nightmare hellscape with a castle and bats in the background. I mean, personally, I think the cover looks neat as heck, so whatever. But, then you hear the music, and Megiddo’s vocals are all harsh and black metal, but the riffs are super catchy, and there’s lots of melody and even some acoustic guitars on the back end, and the whole thing just kicks my ass from start to finish.
Oh, but here’s the icing on the cake. I read the song-titles “Where Heroes Go to Die”, “The Signal Attack”, “The Final Guard”, “Those Who Will Not Return”, and “Armored Hearts”, and I’m like, that doesn’t sound like stuff a black metal band would sing! I mean, maybe “Winds Without Mercy” and “Damnation Calls with Haste” kinda do, but the rest sound more like the kind of fantasy or science fiction lyrics in power metal.
And, then I read the lyrics; it’s about Rollerball/Road Warrior/New Barbarians, biker battles in a caged arena of death. And, I mean, the entire album is about that.
Done deal. Take me to the Gauntlet.
1. Jag Panzer – The Hallowed
As noted above, Tim Baker’s grating vocals couldn’t really have been the one factor holding back Cirith Ungol. Because, otherwise, how would one explain why Jag Panzer, who’s singer Harry “the Tyrant” Conklin is an indomitable force of nature, have remained in cult status for their entire career? And, like Satan, Jag Panzer also put out a classic debut album in the 80s, 1984’s Ample Destruction, which they also neglected to capitalize on, before spending years in break up/limbo/stagnation mode; only to get a career re-charge long after their brand of music stopped producing rock stars and was only being released on independent metal labels.
In fact it’s kind of sad how their career played out early on, because, though they recorded two full-length albums worth of material, Shadow Thief and Chain of Command, after Ample Destruction, they didn’t actually release their official second album until 1994. And by then, they got a different singer and made an attempt to adapt to the 90s; a move that didn’t go over too well with fans who generally consider 1994’s Dissident Alliance to be the worst Jag Panzer album.
It was only when they got Conklin back on The Fourth Judgment, which was released in 1997 on Century Media, perhaps as part of the label’s attempt to revive and push American power metal with other bands such as ICED EARTH, that Jag Panzer truly kicked off their “second act.” All the albums that followed, The Age of Mastery (1998), Thane to the Throne (2000), Mechanized Warfare (2001), Casting the Stones (2004), The Scourge of the Light (2011), The Deviant Chord (2017), and this here current album I’m about to discuss called The Hallowed are high quality works of traditional heavy metal and their distinctly American brand of power metal, and all should have gotten the group far more hype and attention than that trendier band with the really bad lead singer; even if I like that band as well.
Such consistency might come from how few line-up changes the group has gone through. Conklin, rhythm guitarist/keyboardist Mark Briody, and bassist John Tetley, all original members, and drummer Rikard Stjernquist, who has been in the band since right after their first album, are now joined by new lead guitarist Ken Rodarte. And, if his solos on The Hallowed are any indication, he’s a keeper!
So, anyway, and it almost seems redundant at this point to even say it, but the music on The Hallowed is second to none. And, you know how I know that? Because my girlfriend, Rachel, absolutely adores the third track, “Ties That Bind”; claiming its big, anthemic chorus, which goes “when we get our minds together, there’s nothing we can’t do/you are a friend of mine/when we put our hearts together, you know that we’ll get through/we have the ties that bind” makes her think of me and some of my metal loving male friends (you know who you are!) gathering in a bar and singing about starting a union as we rock our beer steins back and forth. Furthermore, she pictures me telling off my boss by singing, “’don’t bite the hand that feeds you’, I can feed myself/don’t you dare get in my face/you shout those orders at me, force me to stay in line/someday I’ll put you in your place.” Take that, the man!
Secondly, and probably far less importantly to most people, The Hallowed is based on a comic book that the group wrote. Now, I have no intention of reading the comic; not because I don’t think it will be good, but because I don’t want to ruin the story that the album has already created in my mind with the evocative lyrics and Conklin’s powerful delivery. Every song on The Hallowed advances the tale of explorers charting new territory in some snowy, icy, futuristic wasteland, slogging their way through blizzards, conquering land and claiming it as their own, and having their slave class rebel and split off to form their own colonies or tribes or whatever. Whether intended or not, lyrics like “stealthily we invade and report the unsuspecting hostiles/their shelter, food, and deadly tools will very soon be ours” and “we occupy this new turf/make our mark upon this wasteland” certainly give off some Manifest Destiny vibes. Or it sounds like Dune, but with sand switched out for snow.
But, regardless of the story, The Hallowed just kills. Just like you need not have read Macbeth to enjoy the Jag Panzer album Thane to the Throne and its retelling of the classic Shakespeare work, you don’t need to read The Hallowed companion comic to enjoy the aggressive opener “Bound as One”, with its atypical drum pattern and instantly memorable chorus, or the slow and doom-y album closer “Last Rites”, with its neat tribal percussion and somber keyboard passages, or the “doodly-doo” licks that play after every two lines in “Prey!” or the “oh-oh-oh-oh” group chants in “Onward We Toil” or really any of the album’s ten songs and 53 minutes of classic metal.
And what a bad-ass album cover! When I showed it to Rachel, instead of admiring the warrior decked out head to toe in leathers, furs, bullet belts, spiked gauntlets, and gasmask, holding a military rifle, and walking through the snow-y, post-apocalyptic landscape, all she had to say was, “WOLF-Y”!
Edwin Oslan
Revenge of Riff Raff
19th January, 2024
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