Book Review: American Hair Metal: Can't Get Enough!

Trying not to spare the Blush(er)

Steven Blush wrote the bible on American hardcore punk, titled, confusingly enough, American Hardcore: A Tribal History. And, if I were to describe it in one word, it would be exhaustive; a thoroughly researched start-to-finish history of the entire American hardcore punk scene/movement/genre of music that leaves nearly no stone unturned, utilizing interviews with nearly every important and unimportant character on the scene, along with a bit of narration and lots of photos, to tell the story and capture a moment in time. Like, if you were wondering if some bumpkin town in Nebraska had a hardcore punk scene where twenty people attended all the shows at the local ice cream parlor to see some band with a discography that consists of one 45 and maybe a 12" EP, then there’s a good chance Blush wrote about it in his book. In fact, I’d wager that the only reason that people treat NEGATIVE APRPROACH like they’re the BEATLES is because of that book. Not only that, but American Hardcore was even made into a movie and started a trend of similar underground music history books that treated only marginally important rock movements as if they’re the center of the universe. 

I was expecting the same kind of approach from American Hair Metal: Can’t Get Enough! And, instead I got a scant-on-the-text picture book. I guess the first sign of trouble was when I read the following in the intro:

"Please note this book includes no recent interviews. That decision was made after phone conversations with a few of the scene’s key characters. Overall those conversations lacked any cool insight. Perhaps the characters’ past art embarrasses them (a pathetic dilemma), or they were afraid to reminisce about past debauchery (worried about what the wife and kids might think…). Back in the day, these guys were outta control rockers. But that was ages ago. The quotes and lyrics herein, all vintage, illustrate where they were coming from at the time."

Sorry, Blush, I love you, but that sounds more like a pathetic excuse than a “pathetic dilemma”! How the hell can you claim ANY of that to be the case with the existence of the MÖTLEY CRÜE memoir and its movie adaptation, The Dirt? How can you say these guys are "afraid to reminisce about past debauchery" when many of them were subjects on Behind the Music? How can you say these guys have anything to hide when Don Dokken recently dogged on the "Me Too" movement by claiming that women dressed like skanks and practically threw themselves at musicians? You don’t think that’s insightful in this modern era of hyper-political correctness/wokeness/progressivism? Nah, man, I just think Feral House paid you some dough to say some shit and throw some photographs into a book. 

Seriously! I REALLY wanted to read about how QUIET RIOT evolved from a 70s glam rock band with a pre-OZZY Randy Rhoads into the leaders of a new musical movement with the help of a mediocre SLADE cover and the rise of MTV! I wanted to see some mention of the early era of WHITESNAKE, when the group was a glorified DEEP PURPLE reunion and David Coverdale was surrounded by overweight old guys with beards, before replacing them all with a bunch of young studs! I wanted to read about the band LONDON, from which so many successful “hair metal” bands were spawned! I wanted Blush to talk about how Mötley Crüe released their 1981 debut LP Too Fast for Love independently; functionally no different from what a punk band like the MISFITS would do! I wanted to read about that era before the glam/thrash split of 1984, when all metal was just metal. See, if hardcore punk and new wave are to punk rock what thrash metal and glam/pop/hair metal are to heavy metal, then Blush should have mentioned how both METALLICA and RATT shared space on the 1982 Metal Massacre compilation; not to mention how SLAYER wore makeup and spandex in their earliest days! Hell, he could have thrown in a little about the 80s glam era of PANTERA or how Warner Bros. tried to market VAN HALEN AS A PUNK BAND!!! 

And, instead, we just get a bunch of photos, albeit decent ones, along with cheesy and sleazy quotes about groupies and drugs, and surface-level analysis about how “hair metal” was suburban mall music. Well, golly gee, ALL rock music since the 60s, save for the faux-arty-urbanite first wave of punk is suburban music; and have you not heard "Satisfaction" played at your local mall? What made "hair metal" special? He says it’s because it’s the music of the popular jock, not the weirdo outcast; but that TOO is a bit of a cop out. Why? Most guitar heroes are actually most likely introverted spergs who REALLY learned their craft in order to get the short-cut to the chicks. I mean, for crying out loud, I just saw XYZ, and the singer blatantly admitted to having Asperger’s and dealing with it through music! Yeah, sure, Vince Neill might have been a real life Sean Penn from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but surely YNGWIE MALMSTEEN wasn’t that way! Also, he mentions how the "hair metal" scene was predominantly white, but had its token black guy; but again, EVERY rock scene is like that!

There’s also the obligatory mention of sexism and how women on the scene were just things to masturbate with and to; citing LITA FORD and VIXEN as the exceptions. But, even that doesn’t pass muster, because "hair metal" wasn’t unique in this regard. From the 60s onward, rock became the hyper-Capitalistic vehicle with which to get the pussy. I mean, what separates WARRANT, WINGER, and FASTER PUSSYCAT from, say the ROLLING STONES, AEROSMITH, ALICE COOPER, and LED ZEPPELIN; well, other than the latter are better bands? Speaking of old bands, I wish Blush would have touched on how Aerosmith, JUDAS PRIEST, Alice Cooper, and the SCORPIONS also went through their “hair metal” phase, and how ACCEPT replaced Udo with a pretty boy named David Reece in an attempt to go “hair metal.” Now that I think about it, there’s not a single mention of DEF LEPPARD! Is not “Pour Some Sugar on Me” a quintessential “hair metal” jam?

And, of course, any text on "hair metal" talks about how it was killed off when grunge hit the scene in 1992. I find that so tiring, since grunge didn’t kill "hair metal." It killed ALL metal. Anything that looked, sounded, or smelled like hard rock or heavy metal without a bit of "alternative" to it was considered outdated and cheesy; it mattered not if it was MEGADETH, AGENT STEEL, ARMORED SAINT, OVERKILL, IRON MAIDEN, HELLOWEEN, JAG PANZER, or BULLET BOYS, or if you wore a denim vest, a bullet belt, and jeans, or spandex and poofy hair; ALL of it was shoved aside for flannel and angst.

What also got under my skin was the blatant dismissal of the lyrics as anything substantive; just sex, drugs, partying, and a love ballad to make the girls wet. Really? Then explain the DOKKEN song, "Kiss of Death," which is arguably the first rock song about AIDS. And, if punk rock and hardcore punk had so damn many songs that bash cops, how is that any different from the GUNS ‘N ROSES song "Out to Get Me"? How is the youthful angst in the SKID ROW hit "18 and Life" any different from that of a PEARL JAM or NIRVANA; because the vocals don’t have that annoying Seattle drawl?

And that’s where the rubber hits the road. All of the armchair analysis of any subgenre of music – whether it be "hair metal" or thrash or hardcore punk or grunge – really amounts to the same thing; it’s all just window dressing for dudes and the occasional chick getting together to play instruments, write songs, and perform for people. All this other talk is nonsense; I don’t care about the politics of the DEAD KENNEDYS, and I don’t care about the debauched antics of POISON. I wanna know about the music, how it was created, how it was marketed, what were the circumstances that brought these musicians together, etc. 

Like, for instance, I REALLY wanted to know how a punk rocker named Duff McKagen ditched his Seattle punk band THE FARTZ and moved to Los Angeles to join one of the biggest bands of all time. THAT’S WHAT INTERESTS ME; not how much white powder the group members put up their noses. 

On the plus side, there’s a lengthy interview with journeyman bassist Rick Fox, who was in W.A.S.P. and STEELER among others, that IS very interesting and insightful. Now, if only the book had a few hundred of those, we’d be in business!

I was also happy that, for a second, Blush distinguishes "hair metal" from other forms of 80s heavy metal, saying it’s not the same kind of thing as leather-clad speed metal or power metal or epic heavy metal…

And then he screws it all up by throwing in a photo of MANOWAR bassist Joey DeMaio. Hey, Manowar might have been sexist jocks who treat women like things you masturbate with and to, but THEY SURE AS HELL AIN’T “HAIR METAL”, YOU FAAAA… er, poser!

Edwin Oslan
Revenge of Riff Raff

5th March, 2024

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