Since I work at night, I had to make up an excuse and play hooky to check out the SCORPIONS, who were initially going to be playing with WHITESNAKE before Whitesnake cancelled and had their slot taken by a group of overweight or curvy –depending on how "broadly" (heh heh) you define these terms – Swedish broads called THUNDERMOTHER, on Tuesday, the 30th of August at Pine Knob Concert Theater in the Metro Detroit Suburb called Clarkston.
After all, given the members’ advanced ages – the Scorpions, not Thundermother, in which case I’d be talking about their advanced weight – and some other hints, this might very well be their final jaunt. Plus, I’m seeing the MICHAEL SCHENKER GROUP in October, so I’m obviously obliged to see both Schenker brothers, who curiously look a lot like each other, not just because they’re brothers, but also because they dress alike, live in the same year. And, man, Rudolph must be hittin’ the gym hard with guns like that, gotta say (no homo)!
I also went because MOTÖRHEAD is one of my favorite bands, and I wanted to check out how my boy MIKKEY FUCKING DEE, who played drums with both Motörhead and KING DIAMOND, would fair in the Scorpions. I was probably one of twenty people out of five thousand or so who went crazy whenever I saw Mikkey Dee pounding away on his kit up on the projector screen, especially during his drum solo, which kinda reminded me of the one he performed in the middle of “Sacrifice” when he was in Motörhead.
Thundermother
Klaus Meine too sounded superb in spite of his advanced age, which cannot be overstated considering how, when I recently saw DOKKEN, Don Dokken’s voice sounded like utter horse shit; proving just how crucial your singer can be for your enjoyment of the show. Let’s put it this way; if I had paid to see Dokken, I’d have felt entirely ripped off. But, since I didn’t, I just pretended that Don Dokken didn’t have trouble hitting a single note. Lead guitarist Matthias Jabs, who’s played these songs so many times, he could do the show in his sleep, and the Polish guy who plays bass and looks like a typical heavy metal schmo were no slouches either.
But, before I get to describing what it was like standing on the bottom of a grassy hill and watching ants moving underneath a bunch of neat looking screensavers, let me say that, the only thing worse than people who only know the Scorpions for their arena rock, pop metal, and ballad hits, like “Rock You Like a Hurricane”, “No One Like You”, “Rhythm of Love”, and “Wind of Change”, are the people who won’t listen to any Scorpions after the stuff with Uli Jon Roth on lead guitar. And, I know this group of people exists, who are so hell bent on being the opposite of the plebs who only know the group’s hit singles that they turned so hard the other way as if the second Uli Jon Roth left the group in 1979, the Scorpions morphed into a commercial 80s glam/pop/hair metal sellout band.
Not only do these fools miss out on such great albums as Lovedrive, Animal Magnetism, Blackout, and Love at First Sting, but they also overlook the Scorpions’ insanely-too-good-to-be-made-by-such-aged-old-men albums like Sting in the Tail, Return to Forever, and their latest release from this year Rock Believer.
Hell, Savage Amusement, Crazy World, Face the Heat, Pure Instinct, Unbreakable, and Humanity: Hour I are pretty damn good as well, in spite being written off for “reasons.” To be honest, there’s only one Scorpions studio album I don’t like, and that’s their very non-Scorpions to the point of entering “WTF is this shit?” territory, alternative rock, U2-meets-Garbage-meets-Cranberries 1999 album Eye II Eye.
Thankfully, they didn’t play anything from that. But then they didn’t play anything from most of the albums listed above; or anything from the Uli Jon Roth albums. And, while nobody would expect them to play anything from Lonesome Crow, because, ya know, that album’s a bit too far removed from what people typically think of when they think of the Scorpions, I can’t say I’m not disappointed that they didn’t play anything from Fly to the Rainbow, In Trance, Virgin Killer, or Taken by Force. I mean, come on; no “Speedy’s Coming” or “Dark Lady” or “Robot Man” or “Pictured Life” or “Virgin Killer” or “Top of the Bill” or “Steamrock Fever” or “He’s a Woman – She’s a Man” or “The Riot of Your Time” or “The Sails of Charon”? Those are great songs from great albums, even if there’s a group of 70s rock hipsters who want to pretend that those are from the only good Scorpions albums.
But, I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I tell you that the band ended the set with “No One Like You” and “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” The deepest cuts they played were the Lovedrive instrumental “Coast to Coast” and Animal Magnetism opener “Make It Real.” The latter, with its inspirational message about following your dreams sent my heart all aflutter. And the Scorpions must really love their opening tracks, since they did “Blackout” from Blackout, “Bad Boys Running Wild” from Love at First Sting, “Tease Me Please Me” from Crazy World, and “Gas in the Tank” from Rock Believer; and most likely I’m one of ten people who got the Motörhead reference in the song (if you didn’t know the line “We’re born to lose/we live to win” is a Motörhead reference, you’re not worthy of Riff Raff).
They did three others from their latest album as well; the stomping, cosmic groovin’ “Seventh Sun”, the rockin’ ass “Peacemaker”, which is still not about some Wild West gunslinger shooting people with his peacemaker but about world peace or some gay shit like that, and “Rock Believer”, which, in spite of borrowing its title from the Scorpions classic “Steamrock Fever”, is quite frankly the worst song on the album it was named after. Oh, and speaking of world peace, they flashed a blue and yellow peace sign on the screen when they played “Wind of Change.” I’m guessing this is because they were playing in Michigan, and the University of Michigan colors are blue and yellow. Go, Wolverines!
Unfortunately they played their popular anti-Soviet bloc ballad after ANOTHER ballad, that being “Send Me an Angel.” Why would they play two ballads in a row? It’s not like ballads get bands laid anymore. All it did was make an otherwise rockin’ show boring for a few extra minutes. And, in stereotypical fashion, the mainstream dweebs had their lighters out. Cringe! On the other hand, the Scorpions also played predictable but enjoyable set standards like “The Zoo” and “Big City Nights.” And, enjoyable, how! “The Zoo” is actually one of my top ten favorite Scorpions songs; it literally sounds like a pair of tight leather pants walking down New York’s seedy 42nd Avenue back in 1980 when the city was cool and not all corporate and full of yuppies.
All this was going on with Vegas style multi-color lights flashing and a screen projecting various cyberpunk cityscapes in the background, creating that mixture of an 80s arcade and a coked out, city cruising, party vibe while not actually being high on coke. Well, maybe some of the crowd was. Most just seemed like boomers nursing overpriced beers.
As it were, this was actually my second time seeing the Scorpions. My first was way back in 1996 on the Pure Instinct tour where they had ALICE COOPER opening and doing a way stripped down version of his show. Meanwhile, back then, the Scorpions did a stripped UP version of THEIR show; meaning that, at the end of their set, they brought out hot models/dancers/strippers to gyrate onstage. A few were even wearing thongs! My 12-year-old eyes couldn’t believe the spectacle of debauchery I was witnessing onstage! Talk about a PINE KNOB!!!
It’s 26 years later, and though there were no scantily clad girls gyrating onstage this time, there were video projections of strip club scenes with silhouettes of strippers grinding on poles and crawling on catwalks. So, even with a slightly toned down show, the Scorpions made one thing clear that night and for all of eternity. Hard rock music is for MEN who like CHICKS who are HOT and give them BONERS. Okay, fine, the chicks can like it too.
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Not only do these fools miss out on such great albums as Lovedrive, Animal Magnetism, Blackout, and Love at First Sting, but they also overlook the Scorpions’ insanely-too-good-to-be-made-by-such-aged-old-men albums like Sting in the Tail, Return to Forever, and their latest release from this year Rock Believer.
Hell, Savage Amusement, Crazy World, Face the Heat, Pure Instinct, Unbreakable, and Humanity: Hour I are pretty damn good as well, in spite being written off for “reasons.” To be honest, there’s only one Scorpions studio album I don’t like, and that’s their very non-Scorpions to the point of entering “WTF is this shit?” territory, alternative rock, U2-meets-Garbage-meets-Cranberries 1999 album Eye II Eye.
Thankfully, they didn’t play anything from that. But then they didn’t play anything from most of the albums listed above; or anything from the Uli Jon Roth albums. And, while nobody would expect them to play anything from Lonesome Crow, because, ya know, that album’s a bit too far removed from what people typically think of when they think of the Scorpions, I can’t say I’m not disappointed that they didn’t play anything from Fly to the Rainbow, In Trance, Virgin Killer, or Taken by Force. I mean, come on; no “Speedy’s Coming” or “Dark Lady” or “Robot Man” or “Pictured Life” or “Virgin Killer” or “Top of the Bill” or “Steamrock Fever” or “He’s a Woman – She’s a Man” or “The Riot of Your Time” or “The Sails of Charon”? Those are great songs from great albums, even if there’s a group of 70s rock hipsters who want to pretend that those are from the only good Scorpions albums.
But, I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I tell you that the band ended the set with “No One Like You” and “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” The deepest cuts they played were the Lovedrive instrumental “Coast to Coast” and Animal Magnetism opener “Make It Real.” The latter, with its inspirational message about following your dreams sent my heart all aflutter. And the Scorpions must really love their opening tracks, since they did “Blackout” from Blackout, “Bad Boys Running Wild” from Love at First Sting, “Tease Me Please Me” from Crazy World, and “Gas in the Tank” from Rock Believer; and most likely I’m one of ten people who got the Motörhead reference in the song (if you didn’t know the line “We’re born to lose/we live to win” is a Motörhead reference, you’re not worthy of Riff Raff).
They did three others from their latest album as well; the stomping, cosmic groovin’ “Seventh Sun”, the rockin’ ass “Peacemaker”, which is still not about some Wild West gunslinger shooting people with his peacemaker but about world peace or some gay shit like that, and “Rock Believer”, which, in spite of borrowing its title from the Scorpions classic “Steamrock Fever”, is quite frankly the worst song on the album it was named after. Oh, and speaking of world peace, they flashed a blue and yellow peace sign on the screen when they played “Wind of Change.” I’m guessing this is because they were playing in Michigan, and the University of Michigan colors are blue and yellow. Go, Wolverines!
Unfortunately they played their popular anti-Soviet bloc ballad after ANOTHER ballad, that being “Send Me an Angel.” Why would they play two ballads in a row? It’s not like ballads get bands laid anymore. All it did was make an otherwise rockin’ show boring for a few extra minutes. And, in stereotypical fashion, the mainstream dweebs had their lighters out. Cringe! On the other hand, the Scorpions also played predictable but enjoyable set standards like “The Zoo” and “Big City Nights.” And, enjoyable, how! “The Zoo” is actually one of my top ten favorite Scorpions songs; it literally sounds like a pair of tight leather pants walking down New York’s seedy 42nd Avenue back in 1980 when the city was cool and not all corporate and full of yuppies.
All this was going on with Vegas style multi-color lights flashing and a screen projecting various cyberpunk cityscapes in the background, creating that mixture of an 80s arcade and a coked out, city cruising, party vibe while not actually being high on coke. Well, maybe some of the crowd was. Most just seemed like boomers nursing overpriced beers.
As it were, this was actually my second time seeing the Scorpions. My first was way back in 1996 on the Pure Instinct tour where they had ALICE COOPER opening and doing a way stripped down version of his show. Meanwhile, back then, the Scorpions did a stripped UP version of THEIR show; meaning that, at the end of their set, they brought out hot models/dancers/strippers to gyrate onstage. A few were even wearing thongs! My 12-year-old eyes couldn’t believe the spectacle of debauchery I was witnessing onstage! Talk about a PINE KNOB!!!
It’s 26 years later, and though there were no scantily clad girls gyrating onstage this time, there were video projections of strip club scenes with silhouettes of strippers grinding on poles and crawling on catwalks. So, even with a slightly toned down show, the Scorpions made one thing clear that night and for all of eternity. Hard rock music is for MEN who like CHICKS who are HOT and give them BONERS. Okay, fine, the chicks can like it too.
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Edwin Oslan
Revenge of Riff Raff
5th September, 2022
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